so i have decided to post moments that my friends and i call "blinkblink" moments. these are moments when there are no words that will describe the hilarity,obscenity,irrationality,pettiness or frustration with a person, place,thing or situation. We all probably do the action but never think about it. It happens when you have a completely blank face and your eyelids close approx. 2x very slowly or rapidly depending on the mood, while your brain attempts to figure out "wtf!?" or "are you serious!?" "or please stop you are embarrassing yourself and others". I witness many of these moments so there will surely be more to come.
the blinkblink moment today will have to be the sad people who are such a hurry in life that when they are determined to not miss the train, they bolt past everyone, and upon hearing the metro say "DOORS CLOSING", they proceed to try and wedge their way in. As you are safely in the train or smartly standing on the platform, you watch them wiggle their way out of the situation they have put themselves in. Personally, I witnessed a larger woman in her "sneakersocksandtightsworkingwoman" look pinned perpendicularly in the train doors. The door hitting her cleavage and the crack of her ass. Usually these people are pinned in the doors or their bag or coat is stuck. at these times, there is nothing you can do or say but cross your arms and blinkblink. (followed by uncontrollable laughter in your head)
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
GUIDE TO GETTING A B.A.P: PART I
this is necessary due to recent experiences and conversations with other baps. There is a shortage of eligible male baps. yes. black american princes. excuse me, "basps", black american straight princes. i love my gay men, but you all can only do so much for me... lol. I have conversations incessantly with females and we all have the same problems. so i propose this guide. it is a step by step system to help basps connect with baps. the world will be a better place.
*NOTE* this guide is for the intelligent black, professional males out there aged 21-30. if you are over 30, its not that you are not eligible, but personally i feel that you should be on a different page than myself. also, my uncles are all over 30.... In addition to this, you will find that all the answers are not here. if you find yourself confused or unable to comprehend, you sir, are not ready for a b.a.p.
step 1: assess your swagger.
my definition of swagger may be different than yours so pay attn. there is no one way to have swagger. it comes in many forms. you do not have to imitate any particular hip hop moguls or throw unnecessary slang into your speech or even fluff your speech with big ass words to impress someone. swagger comes from within and will naturally come about when you are true to yourself. if you like rap music, you like rap. if you like reading Shakespeare, so be it. if you like both, even better. i guess i can only speak for myself but i am sure a bap wants someone that can bring her something she cannot bring herself or something that is different from the next guy. this means that you wearing tight true religion jeans and some fancy ed hardy tee with your draws slightly exposed may not be enough for you to pass the test and receive the digits, essp. if i have never seen you in my life. do some upgrading and diversifying of your swagger and sexiness before approaching a bap, or you will get your feelings hurt. don't try to be something you aren't. that's not cool. if you wear a shirt and tie to work, that's you, if you don't, that's you too.
questions to consider: do you stink? does your breath stink? how does she look? is she in a hurry? are you ALOT older than her? do you own a linen two piece? is she smiling when you say hello to her? are you too close for comfort? did she say she has a boyfriend? are you touching her? are you looking at her like she is a piece of meat?
parts of your swagger:
your appearance: hair,clothes,shoes,scent
your "look", ie: laid back, aggressive,thuggish,intellectual, stand offish
your interests: music,books,activities,travels,experiences
your speech, vocabulary, tone of voice: what words and phrases are you using?
step 2: the introduction
this is crucial to the whole process. part of diversifying and sexifying your swagger is "stepping up your vocab". the annoying "HOW U DOIN?" "WHAS YO NAME""AY, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE" will get you a *blink*blink*, a click of the heels and an about face. an eye and or neck roll may be included. you must understand that just because you think she is cute, she just might not think the same about you. as a decent man, you must grow some balls, accept this and move on. think of this as the "elevator pitch" used in networking events. if you had one minute to express yourself to a potential employer, what would you say? Would you really say "Hiwhatsyournamecanigetyournumber?" HELL NO. So why would you do it to a girl you would like to get to know? Take your time, assess your swagger, assess the situation, then move in cautiously. Switch up the greeting, make an interesting comment or observation...sumthin!
step 3: the interaction and exchange
be confident, but don't get too fresh. give her some space. you approached her, now give her time to assess you. too much pressure is a HUGE turn off. in trying to get information you can detect whether or not she is interested. if she is giving you short and choppy answers, abort the operation! if she is smiling and actually engaging with you, then proceed with caution. here's a huge tip. If she mentions a boyfriend, BACK UP. I have had guys ask if I had a boyfriend, even if i didn't, i would say i did to get them to leave me alone. then they have the nerve to say "well can we be friends?" NO NO NO NO NO. If a girl wants to talk to you, she would not tell you she has a boyfriend!!!! DUH!! These are important signs. If all is well you have two options. 1. if this is a quick introduction on the street or in the club, and contact information is needed, then you can simply ASK how she would like to proceed. it is simple " should i give you my contact information or would you like to give me yours". it is 2008 people, a screen name, email etc will work if the digits are hard to come by. If you have plenty of time, or you know for sure you will see her again, wait to exchange information. it wont hurt and again, she will appreciate you wanting to contact her in more ways then calling and having breathing sessions, although a call is better than a text...
stay tuned for PART II. in the meanwhile, enjoy this comic relief and how NOT to approach a BAP.
*NOTE* this guide is for the intelligent black, professional males out there aged 21-30. if you are over 30, its not that you are not eligible, but personally i feel that you should be on a different page than myself. also, my uncles are all over 30.... In addition to this, you will find that all the answers are not here. if you find yourself confused or unable to comprehend, you sir, are not ready for a b.a.p.
step 1: assess your swagger.
my definition of swagger may be different than yours so pay attn. there is no one way to have swagger. it comes in many forms. you do not have to imitate any particular hip hop moguls or throw unnecessary slang into your speech or even fluff your speech with big ass words to impress someone. swagger comes from within and will naturally come about when you are true to yourself. if you like rap music, you like rap. if you like reading Shakespeare, so be it. if you like both, even better. i guess i can only speak for myself but i am sure a bap wants someone that can bring her something she cannot bring herself or something that is different from the next guy. this means that you wearing tight true religion jeans and some fancy ed hardy tee with your draws slightly exposed may not be enough for you to pass the test and receive the digits, essp. if i have never seen you in my life. do some upgrading and diversifying of your swagger and sexiness before approaching a bap, or you will get your feelings hurt. don't try to be something you aren't. that's not cool. if you wear a shirt and tie to work, that's you, if you don't, that's you too.
questions to consider: do you stink? does your breath stink? how does she look? is she in a hurry? are you ALOT older than her? do you own a linen two piece? is she smiling when you say hello to her? are you too close for comfort? did she say she has a boyfriend? are you touching her? are you looking at her like she is a piece of meat?
parts of your swagger:
your appearance: hair,clothes,shoes,scent
your "look", ie: laid back, aggressive,thuggish,intellectual, stand offish
your interests: music,books,activities,travels,experiences
your speech, vocabulary, tone of voice: what words and phrases are you using?
step 2: the introduction
this is crucial to the whole process. part of diversifying and sexifying your swagger is "stepping up your vocab". the annoying "HOW U DOIN?" "WHAS YO NAME""AY, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE" will get you a *blink*blink*, a click of the heels and an about face. an eye and or neck roll may be included. you must understand that just because you think she is cute, she just might not think the same about you. as a decent man, you must grow some balls, accept this and move on. think of this as the "elevator pitch" used in networking events. if you had one minute to express yourself to a potential employer, what would you say? Would you really say "Hiwhatsyournamecanigetyournumber?" HELL NO. So why would you do it to a girl you would like to get to know? Take your time, assess your swagger, assess the situation, then move in cautiously. Switch up the greeting, make an interesting comment or observation...sumthin!
step 3: the interaction and exchange
be confident, but don't get too fresh. give her some space. you approached her, now give her time to assess you. too much pressure is a HUGE turn off. in trying to get information you can detect whether or not she is interested. if she is giving you short and choppy answers, abort the operation! if she is smiling and actually engaging with you, then proceed with caution. here's a huge tip. If she mentions a boyfriend, BACK UP. I have had guys ask if I had a boyfriend, even if i didn't, i would say i did to get them to leave me alone. then they have the nerve to say "well can we be friends?" NO NO NO NO NO. If a girl wants to talk to you, she would not tell you she has a boyfriend!!!! DUH!! These are important signs. If all is well you have two options. 1. if this is a quick introduction on the street or in the club, and contact information is needed, then you can simply ASK how she would like to proceed. it is simple " should i give you my contact information or would you like to give me yours". it is 2008 people, a screen name, email etc will work if the digits are hard to come by. If you have plenty of time, or you know for sure you will see her again, wait to exchange information. it wont hurt and again, she will appreciate you wanting to contact her in more ways then calling and having breathing sessions, although a call is better than a text...
stay tuned for PART II. in the meanwhile, enjoy this comic relief and how NOT to approach a BAP.
Big Ups 2 Bill
i was watching meet the press yesterday and i was pleased with what bill clinton was saying so i thought i'd share. here is a snippet from the transcript:
PRES. CLINTON: The American--first of all, I wish we could have a cessation in the use of the word Africa for just 18 months while America learns that Africa is a continent that just in sub-Saharan Africa has 48 separate countries, and that it's not just the geography, it's the politics, the culture, the language, everything is different, and that yes, there's been bad news in Darfur, yes, there's been bad news out of Zimbabwe, but you have country after country after country with very high growth rates and remarkable progress. I mean, Rwanda, genocide in '94, 10 percent of the country dies in 90 days. Four years later, their per capita income still well under $300 a year, 10 years later, $1,000 a year. Nearly quadrupled their per capita income. That's the real Africa. That is far more representative of what the African people are doing and can do tomorrow than the other, and I really wish every time we talked about it--you should discuss it with your news people--whether we would mention a country. You might say, "Oh, by the way, it's in Africa," but we've got to stop thinking of Africa as a monolith.
Before he talked about his work in Africa, he was talking about how great Obama is, which of course made me happy. He did so in a very clear and honest way. He admitted he had just met Obama and is working on building a relationship with him. Unlike most politicians, Bill has a way of articulately communicating "real talk" instead of politickin mumbjo jumbo. Here's the link for the full transcript: Big ups to Bill.
PRES. CLINTON: The American--first of all, I wish we could have a cessation in the use of the word Africa for just 18 months while America learns that Africa is a continent that just in sub-Saharan Africa has 48 separate countries, and that it's not just the geography, it's the politics, the culture, the language, everything is different, and that yes, there's been bad news in Darfur, yes, there's been bad news out of Zimbabwe, but you have country after country after country with very high growth rates and remarkable progress. I mean, Rwanda, genocide in '94, 10 percent of the country dies in 90 days. Four years later, their per capita income still well under $300 a year, 10 years later, $1,000 a year. Nearly quadrupled their per capita income. That's the real Africa. That is far more representative of what the African people are doing and can do tomorrow than the other, and I really wish every time we talked about it--you should discuss it with your news people--whether we would mention a country. You might say, "Oh, by the way, it's in Africa," but we've got to stop thinking of Africa as a monolith.
Before he talked about his work in Africa, he was talking about how great Obama is, which of course made me happy. He did so in a very clear and honest way. He admitted he had just met Obama and is working on building a relationship with him. Unlike most politicians, Bill has a way of articulately communicating "real talk" instead of politickin mumbjo jumbo. Here's the link for the full transcript: Big ups to Bill.
UNCOUNTED
if you don't know already, there are sneaky people who will do anything to disenfranchise folks. here is a documentary that spills it all. it talks about how the 2004 elections were stolen right in front of our eyes and how possible it is that this election will be the same. minorities in particular are targeted and technology enables this mess to occur. go to the website to view the trailer and i think it comes on some cable channel too. another reason to VOTE.from the website:
"UNCOUNTED is an explosive new documentary that shows how the election fraud that changed the outcome of the 2004 election led to even greater fraud in 2006 - and now looms as an unbridled threat to the outcome of the 2008 election. This controversial feature length film by Emmy award-winning director David Earnhardt examines in factual, logical, and yet startling terms how easy it is to change election outcomes and undermine election integrity across the U.S. Noted computer programmers, statisticians, journalists, and experienced election officials provide the irrefutable proof.UNCOUNTED shares well documented stories about the spine-chilling disregard for the right to vote in America. In Florida, computer programmer Clint Curtis is directed by his boss to create software that will “flip” votes from one candidate to another. In Utah, County Clerk Bruce Funk is locked out of his office for raising questions about security flaws in electronic voting machines. Californian Steve Heller gets convicted of a felony after he leaks secret documents detailing illegal activities committed by a major voting machine company. And Tennessee entrepreneur, Athan Gibbs, finds verifiable voting a hard sell in America and dies before his dream of honest elections can be realized. UNCOUNTED is a wake up call to all Americans. Beyond increasing the public’s awareness, the film inspires greater citizen involvement in fixing a broken electoral system. As we approach the decisive election of 2008, UNCOUNTED will change how you feel about the way votes are counted in America."
B.A.P Showcase: MICHELLE OBAMA
click the t-shirt to purchase. because she really does rock. call her what you want but this woman is one of the flyest black female public figures we have seen in a while that is not involved in the entertainment industry. people talk about her hair, her clothes, they say she looks funny....oh well. she is a WUHMUN, and something that little black girls can look up to. literally. Not only can i understand what she is saying, she actually has something to say and does so while exhibiting how to be a supportive spouse and a great mother. of course the media wants to tag her as an ABW. (angry black woman) but why wouldnt they? anything that threatens the status quo which happens to be blue-eyed, there is a problem all of a sudden. please do not be fooled. michelle is fly. period. love her embrace her and do what you need to do to make her the first lady. please enjoy this exhibit of greatness:
PS: OBAMA BLUE DAY IS TOMORROW! WEAR BLUE AND GET 2 PEOPLE REGISTERED TO VOTE!
LEGALLY BLACK: SEGS IN THE CITY
if you haven't already, you need to finagle a way to get on a segway, and do it fast. there's this cute little kiosk in dc called "segs in the city" and you can do an hour or 2 hour tour while zipping around on a segway. me and ashley did it and it was THE BEST THING EVER. call it loserish if you want, but dont knock it till you try it. We each paid $45 and there was no one else on the tour with us. So we followed our tour guide around lookin like the jetsons. We went all over the U.S Capitol grounds, the Library of Congress, the Newseum( which i must go to soon) and the Supreme Court buildings. We stopped here and there to hear tidbits of interesting info along the way.
While posing in front of the capitol, we had to remind the guide that we were not Elle from Legally Blonde, we just politely told him we were "Legally Black". *chuckles*. Well that was the highlight of my weekend, along with drinking lots of wine and being in a techno club with random bursts of smoke coming the ceiling and dancing with nikita and ashley. So if you are in town hit me up and i will be delighted to zip around the city with you. I believe they have locations out in maryland and philly too.
Friday, September 26, 2008
FOR COLORED GIRLS....
so i am not a huge fan of gospel music all the time, but this one struck a chord. I was at my cousins dance show at her Christian dance academy and they danced to this song called "More than a Conqueror". So I swooped up one of the little girls afterwards like the stalker I am and asked who sang it. His name is Mali Music and hes from GA. Maybe I am late and people have heard of it but this song does it for me. Please visit the myspace page and hear for yourself. I think it is number 4 on the playlist. I think what really got me was this 4 year old that was moving to it. it was DEEP. I had goosebumps!! it also reminded me how talented and gifted black women are, even the little ones! Speaking of gifted black women...
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf by Ntozake Shange is BRILLIANT. If you have not read it, your womanhood is not complete. It was supposed to be at Broadway's Circle in the Square Theatre in New York City this fall but it has been postponed to Spring 2009, so watch out for it!! Now a little background...
This woman is powerful. She was born Paulette Williams and changed her name. Ntozake" means "She who comes with her own things" and "Shange" means "she who walks with lions" in Xhosa. (That is a tribe in South Africa, yes the one with clicks, those are my people.) Anyhoo, that't tight as hell. I would like to change my name too....
So the play is a "choreopoem" about seven different women: orange (that was me when i was in the play!!!), purple,yellow,green,red, brown, and blue. Through music, and vivid depictions of real life situations that all women of color have to face, she hits you over the head with genius poetry and timeless stories (it was written in 1975). The women discuss losing virginity, abusive men, dancing, singing, praising and the list goes on. Please read it. stimulate your mind. "and i loved her fiercely...."
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