bap down!

Alright. Breathe in....Breathe out. Woo-Sah. Clearly, I have neglected this blog for an entire month for reasons I am about to share. Once I graduated, I was elated to say the least and kind of flowed into the summer waiting to see what would be next. All of a sudden, six months passed and I was lost. This is the first time in my life where I have no idea what is next. I know a lot of recent grads are going through the same thing but I feel like it just does not fit me. With this said I guess I went into a slight depression. I had bitterness, anger, anxiety, impatience and other negative emotions throughout December. I went to New York and loafed around, came back and on my birthday, I was literally in my bed all day, and did not care. I did not care about Christmas or anything else. I went back to New York for New Years, and now I am back home. I am not sure how I feel.

Not having a job is really getting to me, but it is more than that. I cannot describe it. It's like an internal struggle between "you are okay, and you will fine" and "whats wrong with you, you are obviously doing something wrong". I am trying to convince myself that this is a new year and anything is possible. But of course that is easier said than done. I have family and friends and i think i am happy with myself so there's something missing and I think it has to do with purpose. So... this will be an enduring mission this year and hopefully it will be accomplished. ill write on here to release and motivate and take it from there.....