HOW TO GET A B.A.P PART II

In response to my post How to Get a B.A.P, my good friend Mike suggested I give an example of what an ideal B.A.S.P would look like. I can only speak for myself, but I imagine most B.A.Ps feel the same way. I have had plenty of time to ponder this question of my ideal guy. Please note that most baps have a point of reference whether they know it or not. sometimes its their father or uncle etc, sometimes its a rapper, i came to the conclusion that it is only natural to base it off of what i know, which in my case is my father. now lucky for me, he is a wonderful man to my mother, me and my sister along with the other women in his family. So that is my point of reference. so i guess that is the platform from which all else begins...

1. get to know me.

this means aside from my name, number, and profession. you should be interested in who i am at my base and where it all came from. where i grew up, my family life, childhood and important experiences are all crucial to who i am now. so if you dont know anything about my past, how will you know me presently and most importantly how can you be a part of my future?? some baps might have things they do not wish to disclose about their past and you must respect that and hopefully get to a place where she will lower that guard. so if information does not flow freely, do not feel discouraged.know the people in my life, know whats important to me. know my goals, dreams and aspirations. know what i believe. you cannot do this all by simply asking questions soo...

2. spend time together!!!

talking on the phone, emailing, texting, aiming etc is all fine and dandy, but at the end of the day, we need to spend time together. period. you need to see me, i need to see you. we need to laugh. you need to notice my mannerisms, i need to notice yours. i need to study your behavior and vice versa. no technology can be a substitute. my theory is at the end of the day, if all man made things were to fall away and dissappear, what would be left? me, you, the sky, water,trees and animals. and we would have no clothes on. lol. you might laugh, but tis' true!! so to me, these are the only important things. all other nonsense is unneccesary.

3. ACCEPT ALL

once you get to know me and we are spending time together...hate it or love it, take it or leave it. thats my motto. what you see is what you get. all that you have learned about me and even what you haven't is ME. so there is no picking and choosing what you like and do not like and what you would like to change. it does not work that way. you must accept all of me. head to toe, inside and out. my hair, makeup, clothes,activities, hobbies..all of it. just take it. this doesnt mean staying with me and complaining all the time. this means loving it unconditionally. my b.a.s.p should be someone i can bare all too and not have to worry about opinions. even if i show another side of myself to the world. i should be able to show you all sides. this is pretty much it but....

4. be yourself too

do not let "you" become "me". i know a lot of people say lets be one together...nope. i dont believe that.you should be a team and "together", but i believe this is a common missunderstanding that is a reason, esspecially in modern western civilization for so many divorces and so much drama surrounding "love". i do believe in this concept, however i think we have twisted it into some fairytale, whimsical dream so that when it does not happen the way we want it to...we are heartbroken, depressed, anxious, divorced, separated and the list goes on. man and woman were created obviously for one another, but we must acknowledge ourselves at the same time. you may have to sacrifice small things here and there, but your happiness should NEVER be compromised. you of course have to find out what really makes you happy, and that could take some time, but it is well worth the search. now, what does this have to do with getting a b.a.p?

in the year 2008, we have managed to complicate things beyond comprehension leaving both men and women grappling for answers. my solution is simple. ill be there for you and you be there for me. food.fun.shelter.communication.= the basics.( i really grasped this while watching man vs. wild on the discovery channel) everything else is for the birds. in my b.a.s.p, i need you to lead and also be leadable. see me as your equal and respect me. and as for the here and now where most people my age are not looking to get married right now neccesarily, THESE RULES STILL APPLY. they really apply to any relationship, friendship or otherwise, give and take. it is quite simple. balance. mathmatics. ying and yang. when all else fails and you get confused, break it down to the basics. you should care about my well being and naturally i will care about yours. so when i find this person, i will crown him my b.a.s.p.


now that the foundation is out of the way...there are a few superficial things that i attribute to the fact that i am a modern african american female in western civilization and a product of commericialism along with other histories.....LOL. in my b.a.s.p as far as SWAGGER goes.... (if you cant tell, thats my new fav word) my ideal would be the following...

1. now notice in the acronym b.a.s.p... the first word is BLACK. this is my preference, for reasons that would take about 10 posts to explain. i make this clear because there are b.a.ps that are shallow and discriminate in the black race....nope. not me. i like them ALL. yum. i am light bright but i love all shades of chocolate. really. there is some warmth that exudes from all shades of brown. even though we might be called black (another 10 post subject)....

2. STYLE: from head to toe. for some b.a.ps this may not be an issue, sorry. this is one of my guilty pleasures. to me it says you care about your appearance and are interested and aware of the current state of fashion.

• HAIR: whether you have dreads, an afro, curly bush, simple cut... KEEP A SHAPE UP.(or whatever you call it depending on where you are from) it is very sexy to see that sharp line outlining your cute face. this includes facial hair, which is also sexy. but if you don't like it, and don't have any that's cool too.
• SKIN: use lotion! even if its the 99 cent kind, slather it on!! we want to see that brown glisten! not lookin chalky!! vasoline! queen helene! cocoa butter! anything!
• NAILS: hmm just keep em clean. im not fond of guys getting manicures, but if that floats your boat.... so be it. now pedicures... i will make you an appointment when i make mine! because in the summer months if you plan on having them thangs hang out... keep them looking presentable!!! no polish necessary.
• LIPS: chapstick!! i use to think it was wierd for guys to whip out chapstick, that was until i reached kissing age! MOISTURIZE! i do not want to see skin hangin off of your mouth! i will run away. seriously. and licking your lips is sexy but saliva will not cut it. CHAPSTICK: the anti-crust. love it, embrace it!
• SCENT: extra credit!!! as long as you do not stink, we are cool. but i swear, i whip my head around to take a peak when i am in a public place and a man walks past me and i get a whiff of goodness. HALLELUJAH! or when i hug you and my nose is pleased. it really does it for me. this is definitely a way to rack up points. but do NOT get carried away, smellin like you bathed in sephora's mens section?....not cool.
• CLOTHES: i feel sorry for guys. i really do, and i have discussed this with my male friends. you all have it bad, because in order for you all to look "dapper", you all have to drop LOTS of cash, whereas we can get a $10 tee and keep it movin. BUT this is no excuse. your jeans, white tee (that fits you and stops just beneath your waste) is just fine. if you have it like that and can go all out with the outfits, thats fine too. sweaters, jackets, hoodies, all cool, just make sure it fits, it is clean, wrinkle free, does not expose ALL of your ass (because i personally like seeing the just the top of your boxers when you stretch :) but i like to see a belt too... ) briefs are wierd to me lol. and i hate when guys have their pants all the way down and i see their whole brief ass...eew. keep it clean fellas.pick up a magazine and take a peak, and "do you", it is something intriguing about the items a guy chooses to represent himself...
• SHOES: this is a weak spot of mine. i am trying to stop this but i cannot. i love when guys have on fly shoes. it really really does it for me. like i said, it sux because i know they are expensive, but they really help. i ALWAYS look at them when you approach. you might not see it and even if i do it when you are walking away, i always look. maybe its because i love shoes in general, i dont know. the only thing i HATE, are mens pointy dress shoes.... NO. those are for ME. stoppit! there is a plethora of fly sneakers around the world. cop a pair. to "snazz" it up, get your fresh tie ups and to really get fancy or go to work or church, please keep the loafers from looking like you are 80.
• ACCESSORIES: hmm. depends. a watch is nice, classic... earrinG, acceptable..... earrinGS, excessive...... fitted...YUM.....other hats...cool..... doo-rags....ONLY IN THE HOUSE..... belts, of course but please stay away from the tacky buckles. i do not need to see any public service announcements strobing above your crotch area...... bracelets, minimal.... neckwear,minimal......ties, yum BUT ONLY WHEN NECESSARY. there is no need for you to have on a tee shirt and a tie!!.........socks, yes we pay attn to them too. you cannot wear thick, white sports socks with your semi-dress or dress shoes.patterns are interesting......draws, aka underwear, keep em clean/hole free, that goes for your "wifebeater" too.... sunglasses....cool.
• OTHER: I LOVE TATTOOS.YUM.but some girls do not. to me its like artwork on your body, but i understand if you have a job that does not permit them. or they just aren't your thing.

3. your interests: you don't have to have specific interests...just have some! sports and rap will not cut it. books,travelling,experiences,stories,beliefs,opinions are all interesting. if you can tell me about something i don't know about, even better. don't bore me or talk about something you THINK i might be interested in. don't be condescending and spill out your education through blabber about what you have studied. instead infuse your knowledge and education into the conversation in other ways. if i wanted to be in class,i can go back to school, lol. and if you did not go to college, thats 100% fine, but the same rules apply. don't be afraid to share your opinions and stick to them. don't look down upon mine. again, be you.

these are the basics for my ideal prince. lmao. i crack myself up. i will probably post more...